There is a
slight rain today, a drizzle actually. The
remnants of the Thrui Bab (Blessed
Rainy Day), my wife says. I am sitting
at the patio of my house, which is directly facing the great old gulmohar
tree. It amazes me to no end to see this
great tree, standing strong and firm.
Today a majestic looking hornbill
couple has appeared from nowhere and they are sitting on the topmost branch, at
the dome of the ‘big green umbrella’, of this great tree. What lovely birds! Elsewhere, they are an almost extinct species,
it is reported.
Birds, they say, couple for
life. They remain faithful to each other
throughout life. There are stories of how
one partner commits suicide if the other dies or gets killed. I cannot vouch for its truthfulness, but if
so, we humans have a lot to learn from these gentle creatures.
Talking of hornbills, I am reminded
of a story I heard sometimes back.
During the incubation of their egg, the mother sits on it while the
father collects food and feeds her. The
mother and the egg duo are sealed inside a hollow trunk of a tree, leaving only
a small loophole through which to feed the lady inside. It is said that should the father see any
other bird around the nest, on his return from food forages, it infuriates him
so much that it seals the loophole permanently and leave the mother and the egg
to starve to death. I do not know how
true the story is, but certainly the mother is paying with her life for
supposedly infidelity, which we are not even sure of.
Infidelity is nothing new to human
beings though how one views it depends upon the person whom you ask.
“It adds spice to life, dear”, says
a friend who is quite popular in such activities and who is into his fourth
marriage. My God, how does he manage
it!
“Variety is the word, man”, says
another friend, who is less popular, but a “silent killer” as a common friend
remarked, of him.
Well, I don’t know what the other
gender, the ladies, have to say about this.
Do they also boast, like the men do, about the number on their score
boards? I am yet to know.
Sit in a bar along with friends and ultimately the topic of
discussion will turn to sex and you will hear a lot of stories of “conquests”, if
at all they can be called so. There are
some men who, after a few drinks, will go on to tell the “gory” details of their
promiscuity, leaving no room for imagination.
Nudge him a bit and he will flaunt his “spoils of victory” as if he has
conquered the world!
Going by their stories, the mobile services and the internet,
facebook and other social networking sites in particular, seem to be the
culprits. But then they are only the
agents that affect and facilitate such activities. It is the man behind the machine and of
course, machines are invented by men. They
are meant to aid and make our lives easier.
The complex and innovative mind of a man is full of ideas, and all ideas
are not necessarily constructive. The
Casanovas of the world got another means to pursue their favourite pastime.
The modus operandi is the same across the board. A simple approach, as told to me by a friend,
is, select a suitable target, get her mobile number (the sources can be anyone,
from common friends to work place colleagues) and then approach the
subject. The most commonly used tactics
seem to be to call the number and tell her that it’s your “lucky number”. Most fall for it, they say. A friend is said to have called the number
and told her that he won a lottery with the same ticket number. What ingenuity! The other approach, which is much easier, is,
send a friend request on facebook and then start off slowly. It begins with a simple innocent chat.
When I say this, I say this from a man’s point of view. I don’t know about the other gender. It may be the same with them too, after all
they are humans too, saang ma gaipey sem,
(the unenlightened mind). This is a
common Bhutanese excuse for making mistakes, I suppose.
Obtaining a mobile number is also not that difficult a task
either. There are people; I know both
ladies and gentlemen, who, very generously dole out their mobile numbers to
anyone who bother to ask, as if they are building up a clientele for a not so
holy profession. With these people
around, surely B-Mobile and TashiCell will not go out of business.
I am not saying that all these encounters lead to physical
relationship, but what I am saying is that all most all such undesirable
affairs are the result of such hardly enterprising pursuits. It is not surprising that the divorce rate
has increased many folds. And why not,
love and faith for each other is the binding force in a marriage, and
infidelity nullifies both of them. There
is no use for a marriage to last and stand, when the very foundation on which
it is built has crumbled. But
fortunately or unfortunately, many do survive.
The reasons vary; for some it is economic dependency while for others it
is for the sake of their children.
Then, what has happened to the vows,
“till death do us part”, couples take at the commencement of their married
life? And we Buddhist, the Bhutanese
Buddhists at least, take the vows with Lue,
Ngag and Yeed (Body, Speech and Mind)!
Sometimes I like to question myself about what constitutes
infidelity. Which is the bigger sin,
being unfaithful in deed or in thought?
People may differ, but personally I would rate them on the same scale if
I am to do so. Whatever actions we
undertake are the result of ideas that initially germinate in one corner (I
don’t know which corner) of our brain.
Like the maxim, there being no smoke without fire, if the thought did
not occur there would be no action.
Our thoughts shape our actions, which over a period of time
becomes our habit, and a sort of addiction. Old habits – I know it’s a cliché – die
hard. The result is a lot of broken
hearts and broken families (with its inherent myriad of problems), not a hard
thing to spot these days. And we live in
a country that is the champion and propagator of GNH!
Disclaimer: - The views expressed here are purely my
personal. This in no way is meant to offend
anyone, I mean any gender. It is not intended
to portray one gender as the manipulator and the other as the victim. If the article in any way depicts that, then
it’s purely my inability to express myself.
It is not intended to be that way.
Neither am I attempting at moral policing through this.
3rd October, 2012
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